Maybe you’re in one of those cults that believe the world is ending on a specific date and want to live it up for your remaining days… Or maybe you really want to stick it to your overbearing parents and show them what YOLO really means. Whatever the reason is, today we’re here to show you how to get a one way ticket to Brokesville.
Follow these tips below to go broke in less than a year, and maybe even rack up some serious debt in the process!**
**yes, this post is a joke and actually you should actually be doing the OPPOSITE of these things in your life to preserve and increase your wealth**
1. Buy a House You Can’t Afford
The first step in shoving your finances down the toilet is to make sure you’re living waaaaay beyond your means. You can achieve this simply by purchasing a home you can’t really afford.
Throw all home buying strategies to the wayside and opt to buy a home with the biggest mortgage that the bank will approve. That mansion on the fancy side of town is yours. Even if you can’t find a crazy expensive home, you can always rack up some additional costs by taking on some major renovations as soon as you move in. Don’t forget to put in an in-ground pool and a hot tub!
2. Get Everyone In Your House Their Own Car
Next, make sure that everyone in your family is driving in style! 😎
Every member in your household should have their own car (yes, even your toddlers- they’ll be able to drive eventually!) Be sure these rides are luxurious, because you want everyone to know you come from money. And don’t even think about repairing your old car. You don’t have time for that!
Why buy a used car when you could buy one brand new from the dealership for everyone. Plus, isn’t taking that massive depreciation hit the minute you drive off the lot part of the thrill of it all?
3. Financially Spoil Your Kids
On that note, make sure to give your kids everything they want. Instead of teaching your kids about money, solve all their financial challenges for them, no matter how hard it is on you and your bank account.
It’s true that they’ll become a little spoiled and may never understand the value of hard work. But don’t worry, because they’ll remember how you showered them with all those gifts. And later in life when you’re completely broke in retirement, it’ll be their turn to financially support you!
4. Max Out All Your Credit Cards
Credit card debt is the worst kind of debt, and if you were trying to live a financially healthy life, we’d advise you to learn the golden rules of this magical plastic card. However, since we’re trying to go for broke, you should do the opposite!
Instead of ensuring that your card utilization is low, max those babies out. Bonus points if you use them to buy depreciating assets like watches, clothes, cars and jewelry. Then, instead of paying your balance off in full every month, let your credit card debt spiral out of control by only making the minimum payments. Just sit back and watch as compound interest helps your debt skyrocket.
5. Borrow From Your 401k to go on Vacation
While there are tons of ways to save money on travel, why bother? You’ve got an entire pot of money set aside that you can use to fly your butt to Italy to get a gelato. It’s called your 401k, and it’s just begging to be used for that once-in-a-lifetime trip.
Sure, you need that money to retire comfortably. But who knows if you’ll even make it to retirement age. You can worry about that when you get there anyway.
Make sure you fly first class without using any credit card miles. Instead, stockpile those for after the airlines inflate them into being worthless. Then, stay in a five star hotel, and NEVER, ever ask for a free discount or upgrade. YOLO baby!
6. Slack Off At Work
If you want to accelerate your financial destruction, we need to attack your money from both sides. We want to make sure that money stays going out, and nothing is coming in.
To accomplish the latter, make sure to start slacking off at work. Call in sick a bunch of times and then post pictures of yourself out and about town on Instagram to show your boss that you weren’t in fact home sick with a stomach bug.
Take hour long bathroom breaks and make sure to never meet the deadlines you’re given. This will ensure that you’re never up for a promotion, and in the best case scenario you may even get fired.
7. Go all in on Crypto and Meme Stocks
It worked for my friend’s uncle’s babysitter’s nephew… He bought a few hundred bitcoin 9 years ago and now he has $800 million. That means it can happen to you too!
Instead of keeping your riskier investments to 5% of your portfolio, go all in on crypto and memestocks. Forget about investing basics, and never bother with highly diversified index funds unless you want to build wealth for the long term. Instead, get 100% of your investing advice from Reddit.
8. Try To Be Famous
What’s spending money even good for if you can’t flex it all over the people around you? Make sure to show off all of your riches and make it a point to buy newer and fancier items than everyone in your neighborhood.
Stealth wealth is overrated and lame. If you want to destroy your finances in under a year, act like you’re a millionaire, even if you actually aren’t. It’s a sure way to make sure you’ll never actually be one.
Once you’ve set everyone’s expectations sky high, you’ll be under pressure to keep up with appearances and continue to upgrade your lifestyle with even newer stuff. That is, of course, until you can no longer keep up the charade. You, my friend, are officially broke!
The Bottom Line:
All jokes aside, sometimes it can be helpful and motivating to look at the alternative to managing your personal finances well.
While handling money responsibly might not be as glamorous as spending it all on flashy items, it’ll certainly lead to way more happiness and stability in your future. Building wealth for the long term is a form of caring for yourself. It shows that you love yourself enough to make sure that future you is taken care of!
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