Sometimes, a little bit of arguing can exist in a perfectly healthy relationship. We all get frustrated from time to time — it’s part of what makes us human. 

However, constantly fighting about money can totally ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. That’s why it’s important to use these tips to cut back on money arguments, and get on the same page financially.

How to Stop Fighting About Money

If you’re fighting with your spouse or partner about money, you’re not alone. In fact, a third of Americans report having major conflicts about their personal finances.

However, it’s important to take steps to reduce the amount of arguing so that you can work together to achieve your financial dreams. 

1. Recognize and Appreciate Your Differences

The first step in ending your money fights is accepting that you’re going to have money disagreements because you are different people. Learning to respect those differences will help make your money conversations much more productive. 

Remember, variety is the spice of life! If your and your partner were exactly the same, things would probably get really boring. Not being the exact same is how you learn from each other and grow.

We are all products of our environment and upbringing, and it’s only natural that you’ll have plenty of differences when it comes to your outlook on handling money. That’s why it can be helpful to share things like your family financial histories, and talk about the formative moments that shaped the way you handle your finances.

Differences can end up becoming a major strength. For example, one of you might be excellent at penny pinching and couponing. The other might have a good mind for investing and taking risks. Thinking about each others strengths (instead of dwelling on the weaknesses) will help you to see the good in your partner and help you both stop fighting about money so often.

2. Start with the “Dreamer Conversation”

One of the best ways to get started talking about money with your partner is to discuss your hopes and dreams with them. You can go as big as you want here- think 10, 20, or even 40 years into the future.

Do you want to buy a home in a few years? Save up enough to retire early and travel the world? No goal is too lofty for this conversation. You can even turn this into a fun date night by creating a vision board of your biggest goals!

Understanding each others motivations can help you to see things from their point of view, and give you some overarching goals to weigh your money decisions against. Pick some of the goals you both think are the most important, and commit to working together to pursue them. Making sure you’re prioritizing the other person’s goals as well as your own is the key to working as a team!

Not sure what your money goals are? Be sure to check out our episode on discovering your “why” behind money!

3. Get on the Same Page

Now, it’s time for the spicy part- getting “financially naked.” This is where you’re going to confront the numbers and lay it all out to have a better idea of where you stand. 

Print out an overview of your current financial situation. This can include bank statements, credit card and loan statements, and your investment accounts. Knowing your current financial status will give you a jumping off point. Review them together, and see if you can identify a few areas in which you guys are crushing it, and a few areas that could be improved.

Then, once you’ve examined your spending, come up with a budget together. While eventually one of you can take over this responsibility, it can be helpful to budget together for at least six months. That way, you can learn together what works for you as a couple and make sure it covers both of your individual wants and needs.

Lastly, it’s a good idea to have a chat about your money history. Talk to your partner about the financial struggles and successes you witnessed as a kid. And listen to them as they tell you about their formative years. Understanding their financial history can help you to see where they are coming from. Even if disagreements remain, you’ll see them in a new light.

Being on the same page with your budget and financial goals will likely lead to less conflict. You’ll both have the same pillars to weigh your financial decisions against, which will help you to stop fighting about money for insignificant things.

Related Posts: 

• Joel’s $ Origin Story- Episode 696 
• Matt’s $ Origin Story- Episode 695
• How to create a joint budgeting system

4. Create a Common Short Term Goal

Nothing is more motivating than crushing a goal quickly. We want you to get some quick wins under your belt to jump start your financial journey together. 

Think about a few easy things you would like to accomplish, make a to do list and check them off. The world is your oyster! You can choose to cancel unused subscriptions, lower your grocery budget, or any one of these 7 ways to save more money this week. 

5. Have a Weekly Money “Date” to Discuss Finances

If you only talked about money once a year, and saved every small issue for one gladiator style money battle, it’s much more likely to get heated. That’s why it’s important to schedule regular money chats with your partner. 

We suggest meeting bi-weekly or monthly to go over your budget, touch base about your money goals, and discuss any money related topics on your minds. A good way to make it less hostile is to find ways to make it fun. Have this money date in a place where you’re comfortable, and reward yourselves for doing the hard work with a bottle of wine and your favorite takeout. 

Giving your money date a fun vibe will pay major dividends. Incorporating things that you enjoy may even have you looking forward to your money talks.

Related: Check out these 30+ Cheap Date Ideas!

6. Combine Everything

If you’ve been living together for a while or are married to someone you love and trust, it’s a good idea to combine your finances. That way, it isn’t “my money vs. your money.” It’s just “our money.” 

Doing things like opening joint bank accounts, sharing bills, and budgeting from a shared pool of income is another great way to show the other person that you trust them, and that you view them as an equal. When you get married, you’re committing to be on the same team for life, so there really shouldn’t be a need to have separate finances.

Some couples think combining finances might lead to more money arguments. But while it might be awkward and arduous in the short term, stats show that in the long run couples who combine finances are happier and argue about money less.

7. Set Spending Rules

Now that your finances are combined, you’ll need to agree about what you’ll be spending your money on. However, having to ask your partner about every $5 coffee purchase can get tiring really quickly. That’s why it’s a good idea to come up with a few spending rules.

Set a designated spending amount for when you need to talk about a purchase. For example, purchases over $300 need to be discussed as a couple before pulling the trigger. That way, it eliminates having to talk about some of the smaller things. It also encourages more mindful spending altogether!

And just because you and your partner might not agree to make a purchase, it doesn’t mean you have to feel deprived. You can create lines in your budget with funds that each partner can spend without having to consult the other. Having separate “fun money” accounts can ensure that you both get to enjoy a relative amount of freedom when it comes to spending on the things that you love. 

8. Divvy Up Financial Responsibilities 

If you try to do everything together, all the time, there are bound to be disagreements. That’s why it can be a good idea to each have specific jobs that fall under your domain. These roles should play to the partner’s personal strengths.

If one of you is more financially or organizationally inclined, you can designate a “household CFO,” who can be responsible for the more day-to-day tasks. Or, you can simply decide who is responsible for what. For example, one of you could be in charge of creating the budget and paying bills while the other could be responsible for retirement planning. 

Having specific jobs and checking in weekly with your partner will help you to make accountability a priority. While the work doesn’t need to be split exactly 50/50, what’s important is that you are both taking an interest in managing your household finances.

9. Attack Your Debt Together

Similar to combining your finances, when you get married or have lived together for a while, it’s no longer about my debt vs. your debt.

If your partner has more debt than you, help them to pay it off. When you keep the end in mind, which is hopefully enjoying a wonderful retirement together, you’ll both want to have eliminated all of your high interest debt. 

On one of your money date nights, come up with a debt payoff plan and work hard to stick to it. By helping your partner to tackle their debt you’ll be building a better future for the both of you. 

10. Get Comfortable with Compromise

When working together to achieve your money goals, it’s important to get well acquainted with compromise. Understanding and accepting that you won’t always get your way is an important step to take when combining your finances. 

Meet in the middle more, and try to remember that sometimes it’s going to be your turn to get what you want. Other times you’ll have to make sacrifices to keep your partner happy. 

Pro tip: Try their ideas first! As much as it might pain you, leading by example will encourage your partner to adopt a compromise mindset also.

11. Get Better at Communicating

In the cases where you end up in a disagreement, remember to handle the conversation with respect and to always be kind to one another. Avoid placing blame and making wild exaggerations, and instead focus on the way that certain actions make you feel. 

Remember that if you’re struggling with money fights and can’t seem to communicate effectively, you can always get help from a professional financial therapist, or an unbiased third party like a friend or older couple that you both trust. Sometimes having the aid of a third party can go a long way in helping you to see things from the other person’s side.

Don’t be ashamed. Sometimes we need professional help to stop fighting about money!

The Bottom Line:

To a certain extent, disagreements over the best way to handle your finances are unavoidable. You won’t be able to eliminate 100% of them. 

However, with a little mindfulness and compromise, you can cut down on your money fights and face these disagreements as a united front! You’ll have more fun and make progress towards those mutual goals more quickly too.

Related Posts:

• How Couples Can Get On the Same Page Financially
• Should You Get A Prenup?
• 15 Side Hustles for Couples- Earn Cash, Together!

Beer tasting notes:

While talking about ways to stop fighting about money we we enjoyed an HDHC CananDANKua by Other Half Brewing. Big thanks to Jason for sending this one our way to enjoy! And Please help us to spread the word by letting friends and family know about How to Money! Hit the share button, subscribe, or give us a quick review in Apple Podcasts . Help us to change the conversation around personal finance!

Best friends out!