We’re all about getting people to talk about money more. But are there any situations where you should avoid talking about your finances? And what’s the best approach, the money etiquette move you should take when splitting the bill again?
Money is incredibly personal, and everyone has their own opinions about how situations should be approached. Understandably, that can make it pretty difficult to always know what the right thing to do is. Having a plan as to how you handle things ahead of time can help you to navigate these situations with confidence and grace.
10 Money Etiquette Tips
Today, we’re going to discuss some money etiquette tips that can help your conversations and potentially awkward situations with friends and family to be more enjoyable and impactful. Of course, this advice isn’t one size fits all. So remember to always use your best judgment according to your specific situation.
1. Never complain about money around people who are struggling
Nothing makes you seem more tone deaf than complaining about your private jet being too small around a friend who is struggling to pay their rent.
Before talking about money, read the room! Think about people’s situations and how they might take your comments. Don’t complain about something like work piling up after a two-week long European extravaganza around a friend who can’t afford to take much time off. Plus, complaining isn’t really something we should get into the habit of anyway!
Before making a comment or hinting about money troubles, take a second to put yourself in the shoes of the person you’re talking to. If they’re in a similar place as you, go for it. But if your problems are in a different league than theirs, proper money etiquette is to keep your mouth shut.
By the way – even if you know that a person is struggling financially, it doesn’t give you the go ahead to start bombarding them with personal finance advice like a budgeting drill sergeant.
Instead, if you really want to help them out, open the door for a conversation on their terms. Tell them you would love to help them put together a budget. Or refer them to your favorite personal finance resources.
2. Be careful talking about money at your workplace
We want you to talk about money, but we don’t want you to get into trouble at your job.
Unfortunately, if higher ups hear you chatting about money with your coworkers, it might be poorly received. Employers get nervous when people share salaries, perks, or agreements made in private.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still talk about it though… Instead, you’ll want to take a more low-key approach. Some of your coworkers might not want to discuss money with you, and might opt to shut the conversation down asap. However, some of them might be into personal finance. They might be pumped that you brought the topic up!
Maybe try chatting about money with your coworkers outside of your workplace. Connect over a beer or cup of coffee when you’re not working.
What about discussing compensation? Talking about what you get paid can be super important. It helps to destigmatize talking about money, and you can help each other to ensure you are being fairly compensated.
A good rule of thumb is to limit these conversations only to coworkers that you have already established trust with. Make sure you provide a reason why you’re asking. For example, you can tell them that you’re concerned you’re being underpaid. Explain that knowing their salary might provide helpful knowledge to pursue a raise in the future. And, be sure to keep what they tell you private!
3. Money etiquette when splitting the bill…
Nothing puts a pit in your stomach like having only ordered a soda at a restaurant in order to keep your costs low and having your friends saying they’re going to split the bill evenly… 🥴
The best thing you can do to avoid any awkwardness when the waitress brings the check to the table is to have a plan ahead of time. If you’re thinking of splitting the bill, or your know that your friend group often takes that tactic, bring it up earlier in the evening!
A good time to do this would be when everyone is taking a look at the menu and figuring out what they might want to order. And if it seems like people are ordering different quantities of food at different price points, it’s probably best to ask the waitstaff ahead of time if you can have separate checks.
On the other hand, if your friends haven’t read this article and they ask to split the bill when the check comes out, but you’ve only ordered a side of fries, don’t be afraid to speak up!
Just be honest and say something along the lines of “actually, do you mind doing separate checks? I’ve been trying to save for (insert savings goal here) so I only ordered fries.” Chances are, your friends will understand. They were probably just having too much fun to notice there was such a big difference in your orders.
Related: If things get really weird, try a no eating out challenge — with your friends!!
4. Let’s talk about tipping etiquette…
It seems like more and more places we aren’t used to tipping are flipping around those iPads. What’s the best approach to take for tipping?
Here are a few money etiquette rules for every day tipping situations…
Full service restaurants:
Did you know that the federal minimum wage for tipped workers is only $2.13 per hour?! 🤯
If you go out to eat at a full service restaurant, be prepared to tip appropriately. These workers depend on tips to make a living. And tipping less than 15-25% for an average (or hopefully above average!) experience just isn’t a classy move. If having to tip this much makes the meal too expensive for you, then chances are you can’t truly afford that night out. Opt for a less expensive restaurant or to make that meal at home.
Coffee shops & counter service:
This is where tipping gets a little more tricky…
Sometimes those suggested tip amounts on the iPads are a little on the high end. If you add a $1 tip to a $2 cup of coffee, that’s a 50% tip. So what should you do here?
If you can tip, it’s a nice thing to do to support your local businesses and food service workers. And personally, I would rather eat out a little less to be able to tip well. However, don’t be afraid to create a custom tip and adjust it to what you think is appropriate. For example, for a super quick interaction (like getting a drip coffee), you’re probably fine tipping around 10%. The people behind the counter are making a lot more than that $2.13 federal minimum wage at places that don’t provide full service.
Everyone has different opinions on this, and some might feel like you’re in the clear if you skip tipping at counter services altogether. Feel free to use your best judgment here. However, I think it is a nice thing to do, especially if you really love that local spot.
That being said, don’t let that iPad guilt you into tipping more than you had planned. It can be helpful to come up with a plan ahead of time for how much you plan to tip in different situations.
5. Contributing to a Teacher Gift
If there is anything that the pandemic taught us, it’s that teachers are MAJOR pillars of our society. They say it takes a village to raise a child. And it’s clear that teachers are a huge part of that village. So, if you have the means to contribute, it’s a really nice way to give thanks to someone who spends a majority of the day with your little one.
If having unexpected expenses popping up is something that stresses you out, it’s a good idea to find a way to work it into your budget. Allocating a few dollars for gifts to teachers is a great way to avoid any surprises.
Remember, public schools are funded by the government, aka your tax dollars. So you don’t need to give a massive chunk. Even just giving a $25 Amazon gift card (with a heartfelt handwritten note) directly to your kid’s teacher during teacher appreciation week makes a huge impact.
6. Gift Giving with Friends and Family
Another tough thing to navigate for a lot of frugal folks is holiday gift giving. Did you know that around 35% of Americans went into debt for the holidays in 2022, with the average amount being $1,549? That’s certainly not pocket change!
If you’re overwhelmed by the expected spend for the holidays, it can be a good idea to talk to your family about holiday expectations. Come up with a holiday spending plan ahead of time. Talk to your family about your big financial goals and dreams. Explain to them how setting a spend limit, or passing on gifts for adults this year, will get you closer to these goals. Being vulnerable and telling the truth will help them understand where you’re coming from.
If you’re going to forgo gifts, or opt for smaller gifts, it’s important to still find ways to make the holidays feel special for yourself and those around you. Carve out time in your schedule to make room for cozy movie nights, holiday parties, or coffee hangs with those who are close to you.
When you have kids, it can be even more difficult to navigate the gift giving season. At the end of the day, it’s all about managing expectations. And all kids really want is to feel special and spend quality time with their family! Plus, it can be a great opportunity to talk to them about marketing, and how it can influence our wants.
If you’re struggling to figure out how much you should buy your kids, and what, be sure to check out this episode on how to have a minimalist holiday. It can help you think about the holidays this year with a better mental and financial approach.
7. Lending or Borrowing Money
In an old Shakespeare play about a very whiny prince named Hamlet, a King named Polonius tells his son, “neither a borrower nor a lender be. For a loan oft loses itself and a friend.”
Turns out, Polonius knew what he was talking about. Because it is not uncommon for friendships and other relationships to become strained or fall apart because of lending and borrowing indiscretions. Still, some of us may one day get caught in a position where we are asked for money, or where we need to ask for money. So what is the common money etiquette in these situations?
If someone is asking you for money: the most important thing to remember is to NEVER lend money that you need. Because the truth is, if you lend someone money without contracts or collateral, you should be prepared to never see that cash again.
Instead, if you really want to help someone out, you can. But consider giving them that money as a gift to protect your friendship. Then if they happen to pay you back it’s icing on top of the cake.
If you’re the one borrowing money: make sure to pay that back ASAP! Or at least stick to the terms you agreed. If you fail to do so, know that it can easily damage even the strongest of relationships.
8. Money Etiquette Paying for Dates
If you’re getting into a new relationship or just casually dating, you probably know that it can be tricky figuring out who should pay when you go out on a date. The stakes feel incredibly high here because you don’t want to make a bad impression on your first date!
A good rule of thumb is that if you asked someone out on a date, you should at least offer to pay. Things may change as your relationship progresses. But paying for the dates you suggest is a good money etiquette to start with.
And remember, if you’re the person being treated to the date, be considerate. Don’t order 10 drinks, or the most expensive item on the menu, unless it’s been communicated to you that it’s okay to do so. Follow the lead of the person who’s treating to get a good idea of what they’re comfortable spending.
If later on you see yourself spending time with this person for the foreseeable future, it’s a good idea to have a chat about expectations. Each couple will have to decide for themselves what works here. That might mean going halfsies on everything, or having the person who makes more stepping in to cover date night. Have that talk and do what’s best for the two of you and your budding relationship.
And if you don’t have a lot of money to spend on dates, that’s totally okay too. There are plenty of cheap date ideas that are both frugal, and fun!
9. Asking for Money Instead of Gifts
If you’ve already got too many knickknacks lying around your apartment, the idea of receiving gifts might actually stress you out. Especially if you’d rather just have cash instead. The good news is that it’s totally acceptable to ask your loved ones for cash instead of gifts! If you do it the right way, that is.
While some may think that asking for cash is taboo, I think a lot of people would rather give you cash than find out that the gift they spent hours picking out is just sitting in your closet collecting dust. If you really don’t need anything, tell your friends and family about a specific financial goal they could contribute to instead of buying a gift.
Letting them know that you plan to spend that cash on a wedding, a family trip, or on a home down payment reassures them that they are contributing to something special. If you just asked for cash without explanation, they may think their money is just going to be blown on everyday expenses.
If you do get cash instead of a gift, be sure to reach out to them with a special thank you. This lets them know you’re reaching your financial goals and that they played a part in it!
10. When Can You Ask for a Discount?
Lastly, an important part of money etiquette is knowing when it’s appropriate to ask for discounts and when it isn’t.
Most of the time, it’s totally okay to ask for a better price. In fact, we encourage you to do so more often! Asking for a discount is a great way to advocate for yourself as a consumer. It also helps you save more of your hard earned cash when purchasing things you want and need. So make sure to check out these tips for asking for a discount so that you actually get it!
However, there are some instances when it’s definitely not cool to ask for a discount. For example, if you walk into a store and the only cashier is swamped with customers, it’s probably not a great time to haggle over a buck. You’ll likely have better luck when it’s less busy.
Also be sure to tread lightly when it comes to small businesses. How you ask is important here. Instead of saying something like:
“Your products/services are too expensive. Can I have a discount?”
Try something along the lines of…
“Hi! I’m a huge fan of your products/services! Do you plan on having any sales in the near future? I would like to support you, but I’m working with a tight budget.”
Acknowledging the hard work they put into their business is a great way to make sure they aren’t offended by your ask. And remember to be reasonable with your request. Don’t ask for 90% off!
The Bottom Line:
Imagine a world without any etiquette. People would be constantly offending each other, the roads would be absolutely lawless, and every time you walked into a restaurant you’d likely see people eating their steak dinner with their hands. We can do better than that, people!
Ultimately, I think we wouldn’t be able to form quality relationships with those around us, and we would lose all sense of community.
As social creatures, a little money etiquette can go a long way. It ensures that we are good friends, neighbors and family members, and that we all work together to build strong communities. Using these money etiquette tips and guidelines can help you to navigate the financial world in a relational context with ease.
Related Posts:
- Using Financial Stress to Your Advantage
- 12 Ways to Battle Money Anxiety
- 13 Common Money Fears and How to Overcome Them
Beer tasting notes:
While discussing money etiquette tips we both enjoyed Paranormal Electricity of Trans-Pacific Airwaves IPA by Burial! And please help us to spread the word by letting friends and family know about How to Money! Hit the share button, subscribe, and give us a quick review in Apple Podcasts. Help us to change the conversation around personal finance and get more people doing smart things with their money!
Best friends out!
